• Tony de Lacey

Be Honest With Yourself

We are rarely honest with ourselves. We are rarely truthful to ourselves. What might seem like a logical decision might actually be based on a lie. Stories we tell ourselves to justify our decisions in life are more likely twisting truths rather than declaring them. Not only that, it is obvious to see people living in a dishonest fashion. There is an idea that you can assume reality and that makes it ok; makes it understandable and from that we can make choices based on that. If anything, dear reader, remember this; you cannot assume reality. You cannot assume the truth.

Why do people live in a state of dishonesty? In a phrase; they do so unknowingly. It might be you, reading this article, that is living a bit outside of reality. Have you ever made a decision on an assumption, knowing only a few things and making a judgement on that? Have you ever thought about something for a couple weeks, not getting to know more about that something, and then making a judgement call on it? It's like a child who doesn't like it's vegetables. It thinks and says 'no i don't like them', even though it hasn't tried them or done enough to actually give it a fair go. Take that and apply it to your life. Have you ever assumed in order to make sense of something to you? Do you believe you make your own reality from it? There is only one reality and when we create our own we believe pathological fantasies that only serve to create more and more lies for the sake of our own sanity. If you pathologise life you make it more understandable to you but no one else and this is why you can feel more detached and confused with the world when it interacts and indeed comes into conflict with your own pathology.

What's it like to be dishonest? You believe in something which has no basis in reality. 'Not liking' something or someone can be based on a set of criteria you create yourself. You don't see someone or something in its true light, only in a spectrum of how close they fit into your ideal. You don't see them for who or what they really are. When you say something or someone isn't the right fit you say someone or something cannot adhere to your pathology; it has no basis in reality. You cannot make an objective call on something as 'unfit'. What's worse is the more you think about whatever situation you are in where you have to make a judgement the further you are from reality; thinking whilst living a pathological life without contact with reality or the outside world or a diometrically opposed viewpoint means you will genuinely think you are making a rational and real decision. In actual fact you are lying to yourself and others.

Being honest with yourself starts with questioning your very value structure. What is your value structure based on? Your past experiences? Your defence mechanisms? Your jealousy or envy? Your vanity? All of these elements and other similar ones are where supremely flawed value structures are founded on. Honestly look at yourself and ask where you get your data of what is good in and for your life and what you don't want in your life. Did you get them from reality or from a belief system? Yes, we learn lessons from our past but it should never affect our ability to see the truth in things and people; if anything that should be the ultimate lesson! See things for what they really are, not what feeling you might or might not get out of it should you ever have it in your life.

Once you question your value structures to see if they are indeed true or not, which by the way takes a lot of humility, you can assess what things you are doing right now which you could be doing better based on reality; are you doing something detrimental to your health? Stop doing it. Not exercising? Start doing it! Loving or attached to people who have hurt you? Stop loving them. Running away from opportunities that could genuinely improve your life based on a fear of percieved failure? Take the opportunity! This might sound obvious but look honestly at what you are not doing based on dishonesty and lying to yourself because of a pathology you have constructed around yourself to make life seem simpler. You can't go on living like it because when things go wrong or don't adhere to your ever-hardening pathology you will get confused, you won't know what to do, you'll face existensial questions about what the point of everything is, you will experience adversity you never expected to happen and you will push away things that could genuinely be good for your life.

The reality is you do not know what is best for you at a micro level. You only have a set of values, morals, motivations and hopefuly an ultimate meaning in your life. You sort them out rather than the concept of good and bad fits in your life and you will learn to find the better things in life that way. Pathologies are shortcuts and are always wrong. History has taught us that and we are incredibly lucky to have lived after the world has tried out different pathologies. The only way of living that works is honesty, truthfulness and living in the one reality we have and that is our existence. If you go through life with a checklist waiting for it to be filled you will never have it filled and even if you do that doesn't mean it'll stay filled. The alternative to living in reality, with an open mind and an open heart, is the behaviour of one who is not humble, who makes irrational decisions with detrimental consequences and dooms the future because life is based on a subjective judgement stemming from an ill-informed mind.

Learn to be humble in life. Talk to people as if they might know something you don't. Open yourself up to the future rather than letting your past colour what comes at you. Try things before you make a judgement on them. Let your morals and your sense of meaning in life be your guide rather than some make-believe checklist of acceptability. You will find what works for you in truth. Live with integrity. See with your true eyes rather than through a lens. Free your mind so you will never be confused again, you will never lie to yourself again and you will start asking the right questions. Life will open up for you if you decide to live honestly and truthfully as a wonderful and incredible human being.


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